(In case you're wondering "why Russia?" well, she saw a picture of people celebrating near St. Basil's Cathedral, and she knows what the cathedral looks like...and well, there you are. Thank you Little Einsteins.)
I decided to start my new year off right (sarcastic) or end the old year poorly (not sarcastic) by inadvertently informing the lil' bit that she has a heart defect.
JuJu: I don't want to go! I'm scared.
Me: Why are you scared?
J: I don't want a shot!
M: Well, you are in luck, because this doctor doesn't give shots
J: Why not? What is she for?
M: What is she for? Um. She's a heart doctor. She takes care of hearts, that's what she is for.
J: IS MY HEART SICK?! (gasp)
M: No. Not really. It's just....um....she just wants to look at it!
J: Why?
M: Because it's a very special heart
J: Because there is something wrong?
M: (uuuugh) She just wants to look at it because it has a tiny little booboo. And she wants to make it better.
J: IT IS SICK!
M: NO. It's not sick. It has a booboo.
J: Who gave me the booboo?
M: You've always had it, ever since you were born.
J: Ever since I came from heaven?! GOD GAVE ME THE BOOBOO??
M, aside: Oh. Dear. Lord.
M: JuJu, God makes every one special. Your heart is special because it's not made like everyone else's heart. But it works fine, right?! Didn't you go on a super long bike ride today? And you said you weren't even tired. That means you're heart is working really well!
J: GOD GAVE ME A BOOBOO!
M (defeated): Sweetpea, everyone has something about them, something that they may not like, but you have a choice to make. God didn't give you a booboo because he is unhappy with you. You have a booboo because God thought that out of all the people in this world, you were the right person for that heart. He knew your body would be strong enough to deal with it and that you are smart enough to take care of it. But you have to choose to be the person God wanted you to be when he chose that heart for you. You can choose to let it bother you every day or you can choose to simply do the things you love to do, like bike riding and playing chase, and not worry about it.
J (with a logical astuteness that was shocking): I don't want to be that person. I don't want this heart and I don't want to be that person.
M: sigh. let's go snuggle. I'll sing you to sleep, is that okay?
J: yes that's okay. But I'm still scared. And I still don't want this heart.
M: I know punkin. I know.
We did snuggle. And I did sing. She finally fell into a deep sleep to Be Thou My Vision. I know she is scared, but the thing that I can't tell her is that I am too. I'm scared she won't ever want to be that person. What if she never makes the decision to face her heart problem confidently, what then?
1 comments:
I think you handled that about as well as you could have- especially when you told her WHY God would've given her that heart and not a perfect one. I honestly don't remember how or when or why I found out about my heart. But I know my cardiologist's notes from when I was a a kid are filled with occurrences of me crying/being scared for a period of my life. But eventually going to those appointments DID make me feel special. They meant I was/am different, and I was/still am kind of proud of that.
I don't think there was any way to avoid this conversation, and I DO think you said all the right things. She will come around, because, well, she will. She will realize, eventually, that she can't get rid of that heart, and that if she doesn't take care of it she will only bring harm upon herself- which most people don't want to do. My heart was the reason for a lot of good choices I made in my life (not that I'm sure of when I would've made the bad choices if I didn't have this particular heart, but still... you get what I'm saying). It's a scary thing to find out for the first time, but she has a long, long time to adjust to the idea. And you can have her cardiologist explain it to her as well, and show her pictures perhaps, of her own heart. That always helped me, and made me realize that it wasn't The End of The World and My Life. I always loved that my cardiologist showed me things, and explained things (always in an age appropriate manner and all).
I'm rambling now, but I hope this has been more encouraging than discouraging. I think you did the right thing, friend, and I do think she will grow up to own her heart and the life she needs to live in order to take care of it. : )
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